Forbidden Pleasure
by Percyjacksonfan3
Summary: The last time Sophie goes to meet Gideon on one of her days off. Lot's of fluff, and yes there is an actual good storyline so please give it a shot!


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

The wind was cold and biting, making Sophie clutch at her shawl as she walked down the damp streets of London. People passed by her occasionally, but she was otherwise alone, a fact for which she was grateful. If anyone saw her coming here...

Well she shuddered to think of it. She should not be doing this and she knew it. Even though there was technically nothing wrong with meeting someone it always caused whispers and those were exactly what Sophie wished to avoid. If Mrs. Branwell saw her or somehow heard about this... well Sophie was sure she would get sacked. And to lose her home and family was unthinkable. It would break her heart and usually Sophie would never risk that for anything.

But now she was. And all because one person had asked her to come and meet him.

Sophie internally scolded herself as heat warmed her cheeks at the thought of him. His eyes, deep and quiet and always thoughtful. His laugh, how rare it was and on the occasion she did hear it, how it made her feel like everything was just perfect. The way he moved, fluid as all Shadowhunters were but he had a certain gracefullness in the way he carried himself.

And he was always calm. Whenever Sophie would panic he would calmly explain to her that everything would be fine. She had never seen him with fear in his eyes and his constant demeanor comforted her in a way she had never thought possible.

Her shoes were quiet against the cobbled street, occasionally scuffing on a stray pebble but otherwise not making a sound. The only sounds Sophie heard was the wind and once again she brought her shawl tighter around her shoulders.

The owners of the shops around her had already closed their doors and shutters, closing for the night. The only thing open at this time would be a tavern or a bar and Sophie had no intention of going to either of those things tonight.

When she looked up she saw that the sky was a pale gray. Unlike the usual sky over London after a storm this color made the sky strangely pretty and slightly mysterious, something Sophie had always liked.

It had just rained (again) and there was a dampness to the air that felt suffocating to her.

Or maybe it was the nervousness she was feeling, the pit of worry and rebelliousness in her stomach.

Finally, after passing one last flower shop, she spotted him. Exactly where he had said he would be, leaning against the railing of the bridge and looking out over the choppy, turning waters below. His blonde curly hair was waving slightly in the wind and Sophie could see the red starting to tinge his ears and cheeks, which meant he had been there quite a while.

She almost turned around. Almost left and walked away because the moment she saw him she knew that if she went through with this it would just cause them both more pain in the long run and when she saw him she knew that never did she want to see him in pain. And certainly never because of her. Whatever he wanted from her he could not have. Not because she did not want to give it to him, but because it would not be proper. It would be better for the both of them if they just left. Of course he would have to see her again during training but Sophie knew that if she left she would have the strength to remain collected and as she should be around him. Not fidgeting and nervous as she was now.

But he would ask questions. He would once again corner her in one of the many halls or rooms of the Institute and Sophie knew that if he asked why she didn't show up she would answer him truthfully.

Because Sophie knew she could never lie to Gideon Lightwood. Even if it was for his own good.

But when she caught sight of his eyes all of her resistance melted and she gave in to her heart, which was telling her to walk forward. His eyes were gray mixed with a slight hint of blue. Sophie could never get them out of her mind and to be perfectly honest she had never really wanted to.

They made her feel something that not even Jem had made her feel. Like she was the only person he saw and like she was the only person he wanted to see.

Like she was once again beautiful. Not just a maid or a servant but someone with intelect and interest.

Her dress fluttered in the wind, the blue fabric rustling slightly around her. It was the best dress she owned and therefore was nothing special. It was from her old job as a parlour maid, a dress given to her by the man who had later cut her face and given her the scar.

It was the only thing from the job that she had wanted and had managed to salvage.

The dress had thick straps that rested on the sides of Sophie's shoulders. They had little ruffles throughout. The top was fitted as all women's dresses were, but not quite as tight as some. The collar of the dress was just below Sophie's collarbone and dipped a fraction of an inch inn the middle. The bottom had smooth, flowing skirts and the fabric ended just above the ground.

The dress had been in the back of Sophie's small closet for years and surprisingly still fit her. The only thing that had changed since the last time she had worn it was her face.

She raised a hand and waved to him shyly, smiling when she saw his face light up at the sight of her. He gestured for her to come closer and she did so, walking slowlty and hoping that he could not see the nervous shaking of her legs.

This was not the first time Sophie had seen Gideon Lightwood on her days off but the nervousness had not faded over time. She still felt the slightly uncomfortable feeling of butterflies in her stomch at the sight of him. She still blushed when his deep eyes met hers and she saw his smile. And when their hands accidently brushed or their skin made contact in some way... it was pleasure unrivalled in Sophie's mind.

A blush made it's way to her cheeks at her thoughts and she scolded herself internally. She was not allowed to entertain those thoughts. Mr. Lightwood was a Shadowhunter, and a very good one at that. He had a very respectable family and Sophie would not ever be allowed to associate with him.

Which was why she was so nervous about Mrs. Branwell finding out. It would be well withing Charlotte's rights to sack her and above everything else she would be dissapointed.

The last thing Sophie wanted to do was dissapoint the woman who had so kindly saved her and given her everything.

Finally Sophie stopped slightly in front of the oldest Lightwood brother, snapping herself out of her own thoughts.

Gideon smiled and leaned down slightly. He picked up her hand. "Ms. Collins," he murmered softly in greeting, before raising her hand to meet his lips.

Sophie shivered from the feeling of his lips and felt all of her nerves come alive. Thankfully she managed to compose herself and responded politely, "Mr. Lightwood."

He drew away, letting go of her hand after a moment's hesitation that only he noticed. He spoke, saying what he said every time they met outside of the Institute. "Thankyou for meeting me today."

She smiled shyly. "It should be I who is thanking you, should it not?"

He raised an eyebrow. "And why is that?"

"I am supposed to follow orders and you are allowed to do what you like. You asked me to come here so I did, but you did not have to meet me." Sophie hated to remind him of their obvious differnce in social status and saw him tense slightly.

"Is that what you think we are doing? Me ordering you to come and you coming only for the sake of following rules?" He asked her quietly.

She looked down at her fidgeting hands. "Mr. Lightwood I must follow orders of those above me."

Slowly, hesitantly, he lifted a hand and raised her face. "Sophie I do not order you to do anything. The only place you do not have power over me is in training, and even then..." He trailed off before continueing. "The only orders you should have to follow are your own, please tell me that is not the only reason you have been meeting me?"

His eyes were so sincere that Sophie had no trouble believing him. Once again she looked down. "I apologize for my rudeness Mr. Lightwood."

When he replied his voice was slightly harder. "Sophie do not apologize to me. Ever."

When she met his eyes hers were confused. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I just think that you should never have to apologize to anyone."

She was at a loss for words. Not knowing what to make of his statement she switched topics, asking him something she had wanted to ask long ago. "Mr. Lightwood why have you been asking to meet me?"

He raised his eyebrows in surprise at the turn of conversation before blushing lightly. "Sophie..." He trailed off before shrugging. "I enjoy your company."

"But surely, forgive me for being so blunt sir, you could associate with someone of a higher status?"

He stared at her before shaking his head. He muttered something in Spanish sounding exasperated and Sophie felt a flash of embarrasment. She had obviously overstepped her boundaries.

Not knowing what else to do she curtsied and dipped her head slightly. "I am sorry Mr. Lightwood please forget I said anything."

Confusion filled his eyes at her sudden apology but Sophie went on, hoping to salvage some of her pride. "So what is it you would like to do today?"

He answered slowly. "Well I had planned for a walk, but it looks like it could rain again."

She jumped on the idea, hoping to forget the conversation that had just taken place between them. "A walk sounds great, thank you."

His eyes lit up slightly and he offered her his arm. "Well then, shall we go Ms. Collins?"

She looked at his arm a moment before glancing at his eyes which were waiting and watching. Rashly she thread her arm through his and smiled. "We shall Mr. Lightwood."

They set off, at first talking about simple things. They walked through the slowly darkening streets, peering into shops and commenting on every little thing. Their talk was pleasant and light with Gideon and Sophie both making jokes. Whenever Sophie laughed Gideon would smile like he had won some great victory and Sophie even heard him give a chuckle occasionally which warmed her heart and made her smile.

The whole time Sophie kept wishing it would last forever because she had never remembered being as happy as she was now.

But all good things came to a close. Sophie knew that better than anything.

After an hour or so of walking they returned to the cobbled bridge they had met on that night. Sophie dissapointedly drew her arm from Gideon's and took a step away.

But Gideon walked over to the side and sat on the bricks overlooking the water below. He looked over at her and patted the space beside him, obviously wanting her to sit with him.

So she did, carefully sitting so as not to ruin her dress. She was close enough to feel the warmth coming from the man beside her but not close enough so that they were touching.

When she looked up to meet his eyes she saw he was staring at her, or more appropriately, at her scar. She moved her hand to cover it but he stopped her, grabbing her hand and holding it.

"Why would someone, what kind of foul creature would want to hurt someone so beautiful." He said out loud, sounding as if he was almost speaking to himself.

She met his eyes, speaking boldly and with less warmth than intended. "Because all beauty ends. Mine just ended more quickly than others."

He was still holding her hand and gently he ran his thumb over the curve on the back of hers. "But you are beautiful still."

Usually when Sophie talked about her scar she was self conscious and could not wait for the conversation to end. But with Gideon it was different. He didn't try to convince her that it was pretty, or lie to her saying it was not bad. He just stated what he thought and Sophie didn't think anyone could help her more.

"I am under no illusions Gideon," she said not even noticing that she used his Christian name. "My scar is no prettier than a demon and that is just the plain truth."

"No, you are right. No scars are pretty. But yours... it is not ugly. At least not to my eyes." He spoke softly.

"You are kind Mr. Lightwood. More kind than I, or anyone for that matter, deserves."

"You are wrong Sophie. You deserve so much better than me. You, Ms. Collins, deserve better than an angel."

Sophie gasped. To anyone else that comment would have been nothing more than a nice compliment but not to her. Not to her, who wanted to be a Shadowhunter so badly. Wanted to be one of the children of an angel. "Mr. Lightwood..."

But he didn't seem to listen. "Sophie," he breathed, and leaned down.

Sophie did nothing to stop him. She watched as he paused just before he pressed down and his lips caught her own.

Sophie felt his lips move slowly against hers. Hesitantly she moved hers in response, trying to reciprocate his movements. As she did so her eyelids fluttered shut.

This was her first kiss with a man. And for a moment Sophie didn't thinl about the repurcussions or the wrongness of the situation. All she could feel was his lips and the tingles spreading slowly through her. She didn't think about how this was improper.

But then she heard a stone crack off and fall into the churning water and jerked away from him in surprise and the moment her lips left his the gravity of what had just happened fell upon her.

"Oh by the angel," she breathed out.

He looked down to the ripples the rock had made in the water and then back to her, his cheeks slightly flushed. "It was just a stone Sophie."

She shook her head. "No. Oh dear sweet Raziel, what are we doing? This is wrong."

His eyes widened slightly. "Sophie..."

For the first time in her life Sophie interrupted a man. "I'm sorry Mr. Lightwood, I have to go." She stood up hurriedly, gathering her skirts and regaining her feet under her which felt like jelly.

She heard Gideon move behind her and felt his hand touch her shoulder, spinning her back to face him. He had misjudged their distance apart however, and Sophie ended up pressing into his chest. She was breathing hard and tried to ignore the tightening of the muscles before her. Slowly, she looked up.

"Sophie," he said, his voice a shade deeper than a moment ago. His hand reached to cup her face gently. His eyes searched hers and she hoped he didn't see the unwilling hope she was feeling in them. "Stay. Please, just stay a little longer."

The way he looked when he said her name... Sophie felt tingles all over her body and suppressed a shiver. After a moment's hesitation she stepped back, immediately feeling the loss of warmth where his hand had previously been.

But she had to step back from him, as she always did. He would never pull away and one of them had to before things got out of hand. Sophie wouldn't be able to stand it if she hurt Gideon. Even if this hurt him now it would be nothing compared to the hurt and pain he would feel when he realized the crushing truth of it all.

Sophie had accepted it long ago and even now it hurt her. A raw, ever present pain that hurt Sophie's heart every time it gave a beat. Around him it was better, aometime it even vansihed all together, but that was because they surrounded themselves in denial and Sophie just couldn't bear to do that anymore.

So she took a step back and watched as his hand fell to his side. As he watched her his eyes clouded with something that looked like dissapointment but Sophie knew ran much deeper.

"Sophie-" he he said quietly, but once again she interrupted him.

"Mr. Lightwood-" she started, but faltered when he frowned.

"Don't call me that," he muttered.

"But- but that is your name." Sophie protested weakly.

He looked up and met her eyes fiercely. "Not to you. I want you to call me Gideon, my real name." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in a frustrated manner. "Sophie what you're trying to do- I can't go along with it. I can't just let you rebut what can make you happy for a fear of what will happen. You think that it would be easier but-"

Trying to stop the oncoming tears Sophie swallowed loudly. "Mr. Lightwood I cannot call you by your Christian name. You and I- we would not be well matched. I am a parlour maid, a servant. You are a Shadowhunter, someone looked up to by all. You have a home, a family. I have nothing except for the generosity of my employer." She looked down at her hands. "I am scarred. Not the image of beauty a young handsome gentleman like you are expected to have. My face is disfigured and I have nothing I can give you." She met his eyes and hoped he didn't see how much her refusal of him was hurting her. "You deserve so much more than me. I am not even a Shadowhunter."

He was quiet, just staring at her after she finally stopped speaking. Sophie had heard the phrase 'someone looking into your soul' but had never really understood the magnitude of the statement. Now however, with Gideon studying her like he was, she felt a shiver at how intimate the simple look felt. It was like he was sifting through all of her feelings, like her thoughts were displayed to him.

It made her feel strangely naked, and Sophie shivered but it was not because of the wind.

Without saying anything he stepped towards her once again and stroked a piece of fly away hair behind her ear. When he drew his hand back he looked into her eyes. "Sophie can you honestly tell me that I am making you uncomfortable? That you do not enjoy my company as I do yours?" A shyness had entered his eyes and he dropped his eyes from hers. "If you can then I will leave you alone."

There! This was what she wanted! All she had to do was tell him she did not enjoy these private meetings, that they made her uncomfortable. It was just one lie, and usually Sophie could never abide liars but this was for him. She had to tell him to leave, how hard could that be really?

But when she opened her mouth and met his eyes she stopped.

His eyes were full of hope and worry. And Sophie couldn't bear to crush him like this.

But when she didn't say anything back he took it the wrong way. He stepped back again, his eyes clouding with hurt and dissapointment and it was like Sophie could feel the complete pain in his heart because it filled hers as well.

"Right then." He smiled weakly, trying to act like he was fine. "I understand ." His voice grew slightly sad. "Don't worry, I won't bother you again. I will leave you alone and apart from your training you won't hear from me again."

Frozen was the only word to describe what Sophie felt as she watched Gideon turn away. She watched as his shoulders visibly slumped and saw when he turned his head slightly to glance at her.

But she was still standing there, mouth slightly parted. She couldn't move an inch.

She hardly breathed and when she saw him slump even further and look away from her she could feel her heart give a painfully jerk and swore for a second that it stopped.

Finally her mind unfroze and her breathing unhitched. She took a faltering step forward and flinched when a loud clap of thunder rolled over London.

She looked up just as the first drop of rain hit her face and then closed her eyes as more water followed.

Gideon was in pain. Because of her. Because of her.

It was her fault.

Without realizing it Sophie wiped at the tears that mixed with the rain. She started breathing again and sank down, ruining her skirts but not caring.

Without her Gideon would be happier. He would move on, find a new girl to court, and get married. He would have children who would grow up to be just like him and his family would accept him and he wouldn't have to leave the Shadowhunter world.

If Sophie went after him and told him she wanted him to come back, to stay with her then he wouldn't get those things. He would have to leave the Shadowhunter world, cut off all communication with his brother. Give up everything he loved. He would not have a beautiful wife, he would have a damaged one. His children would grow up never knowing who their parents were and would not know their uncle.

He would be happier without her. But Sophie would not be happier without him.

Hurriedly she picked up her now soaking skirts and stood. Her hair, which had already been slightly messy was now completely out of it's bun.

As she ran forward she stumbled over the frays of the dress but never did she stop. Her training had made her accustomed to running men's gear but a dress was only slightly more difficult to move in.

The adrenaline that had spread through her made her fast and soon, in a circular street with a fountain in the middle, she caught up to the Shadowhunter she was in love with.

"Mr. Lightwood!" She called, her voice frantic.

Immediately he turned, just in time for her to crash into him and send them both falling to the streets.

She landed on him but he did not appear to be hurt. He stared up at her. "Sophie?"

She laughed. "Gideon."

Rain poured down around them but Sophie could only stare at his face.

"Sophie what are you doing?" he asked her.

But she ignored him. "Kiss me," she ordered.

"But..." he trailed off in confusion.

"Gideon, I want you to kiss me." She told him softly.

After seconds of silence he put his hands on her cheeks, slowly stroking his thumb over her scar. He stared deep into her eyes and Sophie knew he was working out what she was feeling.

He leaned up and brushed his lips against hers. When she gently pressed down into his body he applied more pressure to her lips, forcing them to open and close on his.

No one could see them. It was dark and everyone was asleep or drunk by now but even if someone had been watching Sophie wouldn't have cared. For once she was doing exactly what she wanted for her.

Eventually they pulled away, breathing in each others breaths and Sophie wasn't sure whether she had ever felt as euphoric as she did then.

Gideon shifted under her and it was then that Sophie realized she was still laying on top of him and both of their clothes had become tight from the rain.

She blushed and stood up watching him as he raised himself to his feet. He looked at her. "Sophie what is it you want from me?"

She bit her bottom lip. Suddenly she saw a life with him span out before her eyes. Getting married, children, laughing together, growing old.

And in that moment she knew exactly what she wanted.

"I want you."

His eyes widened and before she knew what was happening he had moved towards her and once again was kissing her.

They moved back until her back was pressed against a wall.

Suddenly her auntie's voice from when she was a child rang in her head.

"If a boy loves you he would do anything for you. And he will give you the greatest of pleasures, but that has to wait until after marriage, do you understand Sophie?"

Sophie had nodded, blushing at what her aunt had meant.

So Sophie gently pushed Gideon away from her. Hurt flashed in his eyes and she sighed.

"I'm sorry but I have to go back to the Institute, Mrs. Branwell will soon come for me and I have stayed out much later than I intended."

Understanding dawned in his eyes. "Of course. I'm sorry Sophie, how rude of me."

She met his eyes. "I really am sorry. I don't want to leave."

He smiled sadly at her. "Someday I'll make sure you won't have to."

Before she could respond he linked his arm with hers. When she looked at him confused he smiled again, more meaningfully this time. "What kind of suitor would I be if I did not escort you home?"

She blushed but let him lead her to the Insitute, which was only a little ways away. They walked in a comfortable silence, listening to the rain and not caring about it because it was a warm rain and they were already wet.

Finally they got to the steps and Sophie turned to him. "Until next time then?" he asked her.

She nodded and smiled. "I will see you in training Gideon."

She gave him a peck on the lips before stepping back. "Now go, before someone wonders where you are."

"Of course." he smiled at her. "Goodbye Sophie."

She didn't answer, instead watching him in silence as he turned and walked through the gates of the Institute.

He glanced back and smiled at her and she smiled back, just before he vanished into the darkness.

Sophie turned and knocked lightly on the door. From the outside the door could only be opened by a Shadowhunter, but from the inside anyone could open the doors. "Cyril," she whispered loudly, "open the door."

Slowly the door opened and Sophie slipped inside.

"Your back a little late tonight Ms. Collins." Cyril said matter of factly.

She blushed but the darkness covered it up. "I apologize Cyril, I got a little distracted."

He nodded. "Well I'll bid you good night then?"

Sophie smiled at him. "Good night Cyril."

She started walking down the hall but was stopped by his voice. "Sophie?"

"Yes, Cyril?" she turned around and asked.

He took a deep breath, taking in the now ruined dress she was wearing and her damp hair. "My brother loved you . He died trying to protect you." He met her eyes steadily. "For him, the last thing I would want is you getting hurt."

She took in a breath. Did Cyril know? He couldn't! Oh what if he told Mrs. Branwell? "Cyril..."

He shook his head. "That is all I wished to say Ms. Collins. Have a pleasant sleep."

He turned and walked to his room, and Sophie hurriedly turned to go to hers. After scrambling her way up the steps she opened the door and once in her room she leaned against it.

Tonight was a mistake. Now that Gideon was gone she could see the full extent of what they had done and what the consequences would be. She had to stop it. Had to tell him, stand up to him. Her feelings aside, she could not let Gideon get hurt. Not again. Not because of her.

"Goodbye Gideon." she whispered closing her eyes and knowing it was the hardest two words she would ever have to say.

oooOOOooo

**So I'm back again and now I'm focusing on writing more than ever. It's summer so I'll have a lot of time at least! :)**

**I've been wanting to write a Sophie/Gideon fanfic for a while because I love them soo much! They're so cute and there just isn't enough fanfic's about them on this sight. Sorry, I'm not sure when exactly this takes place but let's just say it's sometime during Clockwork Prince.**

**SIDENOTE: For anyone who's reading Wonders and Contemplations don't worry, I'm still writing it. In fact I'm almost done the next chapter and it'll be posted soon.**

**Please review! Hope you like this story! Favourites, and reviews make my day!**

**Love you all!**

**Percyjacksonfan3**


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